Tired

I wouldn't pretend that I'm okay when I'm not. I wouldn't pretend that don't feel used and needed only on crises. I wouldn't pretend that I feel like I'm other's unlimited personal bank account, always withdrawing and never depositing anything. I wouldn't pretend that that I'm happy and bubbly, when all I'm about to be is break down, when all I need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a shoulder to cry on.

No direction

Having been a "bum" (mildly speaking) for the past few months have been nothing but a rollercoaster ride.

I mean, sure, I got to rest (which, by the way, I heavily needed), but having no actual goal or destination so to speak makes it a little bit boring.

No, I haven't been lazying around all the time. I have traveled a bit since I resigned, to be honest.

It's just that career-wise, I feel like there's nothing else for me.

When your fuel runs out

Sometimes, you try to be strong, not for anyone, but yourself. And when the fuel runs out, it's what's most scary. Because then you realize that there's nothing to be strong about, that there's nothing but false hopes, false pretenses, and you've only been denying to yourself one of the few things that is constant in this life - and that at one point or another, each and every one of us would die.

Shattered, Broken beyond repair

From http://quotlr.com/

Who would want to be with someone like me? Like a discarded piece of trash, like a broken China doll? Sure it may look like I'm all pretty and all made up outside, that when you talk to me there is nothing wrong, but when you find out about the deepest secrets that lurk in the corners of my dark, deranged self, no one would be able to stomach the horrors that live in them.

"I love you." Who knew that those three, simple words would be so difficult portray? Much more even say?

But, alas, I couldn't. I shouldn't. It's suicide.

Depression

From http://drhurd.com

I've been feeling down and about the past few days and I have no idea why.

For most people, there's really not much for me to be sad about. I mean, I'm relatively in a better position than most people my age. I have my own place, I own properties, I owned (for a time) a car, I work out regularly, and I get to travel leisurely in neighboring countries. Even my job isn't as bad as most people would have it.

But still, I get the feeling that I'm depressed. Nothing seems to excite me anymore.

2013

From http://www.argeltiburcio.com/

December of 2012. I ended that year with a plan. I quit my job, decided to take a few months off work, then will head to New Zealand with my sister after their one month vacation in the Philippines. From there I would stay for three months, weigh things out, see if I could get a job, and if not, go back to the Philippines and start looking for a new one.

That was the original plan coming to 2013. By May I would be in New Zealand, and if fate wasn't on my side I would be back around August. Basically it would take more than half of the year. But, not everything goes according to plan.

How numerology describes me

There was a time when I was into knowing who I am or what my personality is like based on certain aspects. I posted something circa 2010 about how numerology describes me based on this site.

Below is the result I got, and for those who know me, you may prove or disprove this.

What my name means

You entered: Ronald Allan Mendoza
There are 18 letters in your name.
Those 18 letters total to 74
There are 7 vowels and 11 consonants in your name.

Love stories

From weheartit.com

I love reading love stories. It's sort of a way for me to "live" life in a way I probably wouldn't. It's a way to dream about things that wouldn't probably happen to me.

I'm a hopeless romantic. In as much as I am a "realistic" person, I often dream of finding that "someone" I would probably spend the rest of my life with. Yeah, dreamy. But up to this day, it still remains as a dream.

Still my favorite scene so far

I was tinkering with my laptop (having nothing better to do), and I saw a copy of a 2006 Spring Drama I watched when I was in Japan. The title of the drama was "Delicious Proposal". It's the story of Katsuragi Haruki, a young restaurant owner, and Shiraishi Suzuko, the restaurant's top chef. I decided to watch it again, although I have done so a million times already.

Watching it made me remember why I liked the drama so much.

Here is a rough translation of my favorite scene.

Abundant Blessings

I just heard this from the sermon the pastor gave during the service, and I just can't help but be amazed.

This happened after a house blessing the pastor conducted. After the house blessing, the owner of the house approached the pastor and told him of how much blessings he has received from the Lord.

The guy was in a relationship with his then wife for 9 years. Being broke, he can't afford to go on a date, much more propose to the girl. One day while on his way home, he heard an announcement on the radio promo. The radio station was giving away 2 free tickets to Gary V.'s concert. Since he didn't have anything to lose he decided to join the promo. A little while after, the DJ gave the name of the lucky person who won the 2 tickets - and that person was him.

My working style

I took this test (http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test47.aspx). Now tell me if what it says is true:

----------------------------------
Your Working Style

You are extremely dependable and devotedly accept responsibilities beyond the call of duty. You have a complete, realistic, and practical respect for the facts. When you see from the facts that something needs to be done, you pause to think about it. If you decide that action will be helpful, you accept the responsibility. You can remember and use any number of facts, but want them all accurate. You like everything clearly stated.

My preferences and intelligence

A while back (actually a looong way back) I took a test which shows you what kind of personality you have (based on the Myers-Briggs Personality Test). Aside from the Myers-Briggs, I also took the multiple intelligence test.



Myers-Briggs assessment is an assessment test that measures the preferences of persons and how they perceive the world and make decisions.

According to the test, I am an ISTJ (Introvert, Sensing, Thinking, Judging). What is an ISTJ? This link explains a bit about ISTJ.

I also took another test which shows the Multiple Intelligences I have. According to the test, I am weakest in Interpersonal and Verbal/Linguistic. Interpersonal I can understand, but Linguistic? Maybe I shouldn't be writing blogs. XD

sources:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator
http://www.mypersonality.info/
http://www.personalitypage.com/ISTJ.html

I wanna run to you (when I need something)

From http://www.foximus.com/

I have, somewhat, accepted the fact that my family will, for the most part, only remember me when they need something. Still, it's unnerving at times when this is proven right.

Recently my brother had been messaging me on Facebook. He was asking where I am, how I am doing, and the like. It's very peculiar for my brother to suddenly ask me all these questions, primarily because we're not particularly the best of brothers. I felt that something was up, and it didn't take me a week to find out. After a few days, he messaged me on Facebook, asking if his wife can borrow some money.

Not that I am surprised. Like I said, I've long accepted the fact that family members only remember me when they need something. I did ask what the money was for, and he was more than happy to answer. In the end I agreed to lend them the money with the "assurance" that they'll pay me back eventually. (There were even messages that I received multiple times, i.e. where they can get the money or sheepishly denying why he was suddenly asking how I was, but I'll just think that it's the network provider who sent the messages multiple times).

Updates

Picture from wolfescape.com

I'm still alive. I just haven't been able to post anything lately.

It's been more than a month since my last post. Well, work and workout has been taking a lot of my time lately and so I haven't been able to churn any ideas for the next chapter of my ongoing series.

So what has been happening the past few weeks/months?

Truths and Wrongs

Photo from Pinterest

Most of us have beliefs that we consider the truth. Some people, though, tend to be defensive when those "truths" that they hold are contested. They try to rationalize, justify, or sometimes even counter other people's "truths" that do not fit in with the "truths" they believe in. They create double standards just to accommodate their "truths", or worse, just shut off or put in bad light the people who counter them, and no matter how hard you try to explain to them, they wouldn’t listen. They compromise everything else so as not to compromise their own "truths". Because they value these "truths" too much, they tend to close everything else. And that's the hardest part - trying to reason with (or open) someone that has decided to be closed.

Changes

Something is brewing in the horizon. I can't give any details yet as nothing's final, but if it pushes through then there would be a lot of changes in my plans for the next couple of months (or years maybe).

It was the first time in a couple of years (or probably as far as I can remember) that I really wanted something. Based from my initial assessment I find it very interesting, and at the same time a good avenue for me to learn. If it pushes through, I don't think I won't be disappointed. But of course, it'll still depend on what God has in store for me. I just can't force my way through it.

If I pass, I'll take it as a sign. ^_^

[2013-03-23] UPDATE: Yey, I passed! All that I'm waiting for is the offer. Let's hope that it's good. Well, still a week before my personal deadline. :)

24 Hours

Today was a very busy day.

Well, actually it all started yesterday evening.

So I went to Makati to drop off some crinkles for my former officemates at Macquarie (crinkles I bought from our Baguio Trip a couple of weeks back), and then I remembered that there's a Dev C get together that night as well. Since I was within the area I opted to go to their office to meet some of my friends before heading to the buffet.

Dev C - past, present, future

I haven't been eating a lot lately (I actually lost a couple of kilos during the holidays), so I'm not sure if my tummy was up for the job. Turns out, it was, but not without a price - I left pretty bloated after - considering that I only had food from Kamayan and not from Dads or Saisaki (all of them are buffet, but the food served are different. You can opt to go only with one or have a combination of any of the three). There were a lot of conversations happening all at the same time, so it was pretty hard to keep up. And my tummy had a hard time keeping up with the food as well.

After all that I ended up going to another meetup - I didn't stay long (I stayed until a little past 1), and got home around 2 in the morning. Then I watched a bit then headed to sleep. Woke up around 7 in the morning to prepare for another buffet - this time at Buffet 101.

Reboot

Happy New Year!!!!!

So apparently I haven't written anything down for the past 3 years.

That's right, 3 years.

Well, it's not that I haven't been posting anything. If at all, my Facebook and Twitter has been active for a while.

Which would kinda explain why I haven't written any blogs for so long.

So, after the last blog, what has happened to me?

Well, for starters, I've worked for a couple more companies before deciding that "I'm tired of this, I'm taking a well-deserved break".

Condo condo condo

It's been a month already since my dad started with his latest pet project, which is renovating the condo unit he bought for me. Based from the feedback I got from Tita, I have a rough idea of what the unit looks like at the moment.

But there are still some items that needs to be done before we can call it "complete". My dad though is targeting November 15 as the completion date.

That means that by the time Ate Rose gets back from Nepal, he'll be unveiling the result of his latest project. :D

I can't wait to see what it looks like. ^_^

(I'm so excited I can't stop talking about it. :P)

Good News, Bad News

I didn't really have any plans yesterday, being it a Friday and all. Usually naman kase I go home after work. Or maybe I was just accustomed to going home after work kase dati either umaga na or suuuper late na in the evening. Pero yesterday's different. Well, the past weeks have been different, kase I'm working on day shift na. 10am-8pm. So I leave the office with the malls wide open.

Kahapon while I was eating my dinner (I usually eat around 6:30 or 7pm now), nagtext saken si Abi. Sabe niya movie nights daw ang ilang Dev C, and she asked me if I wanted to come along. Since matagal ko nang hindi nakasama sa labuyan, I agreed. I didn't have anything to do that night anyway. So napagkasunduan na 10pm kame manonood sa Glorietta. Ang movie? In my Life.

I left the office a little over 9pm. I was thinking of taking the bus, pero naisip mahabang lakaran pa ang magaganap kapag nagbus ako. Plus the fact na kelangan ko pang tumawid sa kabilang side ng EDSA just to get on a bus going to Glorietta. So naisipan ko magtry ng MRT. It has been a while na din naman since I got on a train, parang since Japan days pa ata (and that was like three years ago pa). Plus, I'll be walking less kase ung station ng MRT sa Ayala eh connected na sa mga malls (Glorietta and SM) so ndi mainit ang lalakaran ko.