Unlearn

From ubi-orbi.com

Music playing the background
People chattering about
All these noises around me
Yet only your voice resounds

Beatiful shapes and colors
Scenic, majestic, grand
But all I see is gray
When you're not by my side

Batanes Trip - North Batan

This is a diary of my travel to Batanes.

Basco Airport

We landed at Basco Airport at 8:28 AM. Similar to Caticlan Airport, it was a small airport with one landing strip. After getting off the plane we were asked to register before reaching the arrival area.

It was drizzling when we arrived. Or maybe it was the low clouds. Either way, you're bound to get cold and wet with this kind of weather.

After arriving at the hotel (which was only a few minutes away), I was given some papers to fill out. I was then escorted to my room. The room was pretty decent and had the basic necessities - comfy bed, lights, hot water (yes, it's a must!). It also comes with an air conditioning unit, which I probably won't need given the weather.

Rejection

From thehappinessparadigm.com

"I no longer wish to speak with you."

It was all that was needed to be said to put me back in my place. I was thinking, hoping actually, that she still wants to be together. That she wants to give us a second chance. That she still longs for me the way I still long for her. I guess I was too far from the truth.

Thinking of being rejected is one thing, being actually rejected is another. It's something that, no matter how long you psych yourself for, will never be prepared. Especially if it's something you really, really want. You think that you've prepared yourself by hoping for the best and expecting the worst, but when you're in that situation, you forget about expecting the worst and just hope for the best.

I guess I had it coming. After all, I was the first one to let go. When I said I want out, I was being impulsive, into that moment. I shouldn't be disappointed that I had been rejected. And yet, it feels like someone just punched a big, gigantic hole in my chest.

Tangent

From http://spacecollective.org/

It pains to live like this - you, hovering like a ghost, like a memory that never goes away. It was easy for you to cut me off, so maybe I should also do the same. We were once together, but now where nothing but complete strangers.

You think I don't notice how cold you've become? How ironic that you say we can stay friends but as usual I'm the only one making any efforts. How do you make it seem that nothing never really happened between us, that for a time, I mattered? Or maybe me being of some importance to you is nothing but a twisted delusion of mine.

Awkward

I was thinking of including this in the "Reunion" story, but when I finished it was too short for a chapter. Also I can't figure out where to put it. So I just put it off as a separate story. Enjoy

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From http://aintnogod.com/

Being in the same room with him felt awkward.

I won't ever get how he can be calm and collected. We didn't particularly part in good terms, so how he can be so casual that I was in the same room as him will be a puzzle to me. It feels like there's a big elephant in the room that he dares not acknowledge - me.

How can I fall under his radar? It's like he cannot see me, until one person points it. And then, I disappear as quickly as he acknowledges my presence. It's like magic. Or selective sight. I dunno.

I tried to stay away from his personal space as much as I can. I'm not as good as him when it comes to compartmentalizing my life. He can fully separate his work life with his personal - and even his romantic life. I never had the capability of doing that. I always felt that one part interacts with the other, and they can never be separated.

To that someone that I used to know

From https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com

It has been a few months since we parted. Since I told myself that I deserve better than this. Since I realized that I was still singing the same old songs amidst multiple pleas for something else. Since I decided to call it quits.

You told me time and time again how much feelings you had for me, but for some reason it doesn't connect with what you do. You've told me how important I was, yet I felt I was always being brushed under the rug. You said that I was of value, but you never took the time to know me. It looked like you were just going along with the pretense that we were happy with what we had, never even taking the time to assess if it was indeed the case. At times, I felt like I was the only one in love. And like the song says, I can't make you love me if you don't.

And so I decided to end it. While telling you this, deep down I was hoping that you would say something to make me change my mind. Say something, and tell me that my decision is wrong. Say something, tell me we can work this out. Say something, tell me you love me.