Depression

From http://drhurd.com

I've been feeling down and about the past few days and I have no idea why.

For most people, there's really not much for me to be sad about. I mean, I'm relatively in a better position than most people my age. I have my own place, I own properties, I owned (for a time) a car, I work out regularly, and I get to travel leisurely in neighboring countries. Even my job isn't as bad as most people would have it.

But still, I get the feeling that I'm depressed. Nothing seems to excite me anymore.

I was reading through some articles about depression and based from what I've read it's a mood disorder. It's psychological and physiological in nature (as hormonal imbalances can actually affect someone's mood). This isn't the first time that I've felt depressed for a time, and I have been diagnosed with depression once before. I remember that at that time, I always felt down, and I was always yawning even though I wasn't particularly sleepy. I eventually got through it through medication and therapy.

I've been having this feeling that I needed to put my affairs in order, as if I'm preparing to leave the world of the living. By no means do I feel like taking my own life, but for the most part I have this nagging feeling of no longer living.

It's a sin, I guess, and a lot of people wouldn't probably understand why. Given that I'm in a "better position" than most people, why should I be depressed? There's so many things to be thankful for, so many things to be happy about, why focus on the negatives? Why focus on the feeling of being depressed instead of making your own happiness?

Maybe I just need a new lease of some sort. Maybe I've felt that I've been in the same old rut for too long, and being the "me" I know I am, I get restless and depressed. Maybe a new place, or a new job, or both. Or maybe it's a cycle that occurs every year, like some people can have SAD (Seasonal Anxiety Disorder). It coincides with the winter season, after all.

I wish I knew the answer, I could honestly say I wish knew. I guess, there may be some things that are never answered.

Please don't judge me. If I am indeed depressed (clinically speaking), then it's the last thing that I need right now. Even the articles say that.

What I probably need right now is someone to talk to. Or maybe just someone to listen.

Or I could just die. That's fine too.