Tired

I wouldn't pretend that I'm okay when I'm not. I wouldn't pretend that don't feel used and needed only on crises. I wouldn't pretend that I feel like I'm other's unlimited personal bank account, always withdrawing and never depositing anything. I wouldn't pretend that that I'm happy and bubbly, when all I'm about to be is break down, when all I need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a shoulder to cry on.

Strangers

Image from wikipedia

I first met her in the coffee shop. I wasn't planning on staying long, just enough to finish the cafe latte I ordered while reading a book, and then leave. Then, out of nowhere, I heard a voice. A warm, sweet voice. She asked me if the seat beside me was taken. I said "no", and went back to my book. To be honest I wasn't in a conversation kind of mood, much more with a stranger.

I thought that it would end there. That after that quick, short question I would never be bothered again. But for some reason, I felt like I was being watched. Call me paranoid, but when I glanced up and see if anyone was looking, there she was, intently looking at me.

She must've been surprised by me. I can see the surprised look on her face. However, unlike most people, she started a small conversation. She asked me what the book was all about. I didn't want to be rude, so I replied. It wasn't anything interesting anyway. It was just some fiction story about a post apocalyptic future where humans are trying to survive. Nothing out of the ordinary. However, as I was explaining the plot of the book, I can see how intently she was listening. Maybe that's the reason why I decided to continue the small talk after that.

No direction

Having been a "bum" (mildly speaking) for the past few months have been nothing but a rollercoaster ride.

I mean, sure, I got to rest (which, by the way, I heavily needed), but having no actual goal or destination so to speak makes it a little bit boring.

No, I haven't been lazying around all the time. I have traveled a bit since I resigned, to be honest.

It's just that career-wise, I feel like there's nothing else for me.

Chili Buttered Garlic Shrimp

This is one of my favorite dishes to cook, so I figured I could write the recipe and share it.

Ingredients:

• 1/4 kg shrimp
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 50g unsalted butter
• 100 mL Sprite or 7-Up
• 2 tbsp cornstarch as sauce thickener
• iodized salt, ground pepper, and ground cayenne pepper to taste

Wedding Vows

After watching Toni G. and Direk Paul's wedding last Saturday, I was inspired to create my own "imaginary wedding vows".

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For longest time I have resigned to the fact that I would be single forever, or as most people would like to call it, "Single Blessedness." Who would, in fact, have the courage, and audacity to be with someone as flawed, as imperfect, as broken, as insecure like me? But there you were, willing to take on the challenge, in spite of and despite of everything.

Who would have thought that I would get to this place? I, for one, certainly did not. Never, NEVER in my wildest dreams, that I would stand in front of the altar with you.

When your fuel runs out

Sometimes, you try to be strong, not for anyone, but yourself. And when the fuel runs out, it's what's most scary. Because then you realize that there's nothing to be strong about, that there's nothing but false hopes, false pretenses, and you've only been denying to yourself one of the few things that is constant in this life - and that at one point or another, each and every one of us would die.

Shattered, Broken beyond repair

From http://quotlr.com/

Who would want to be with someone like me? Like a discarded piece of trash, like a broken China doll? Sure it may look like I'm all pretty and all made up outside, that when you talk to me there is nothing wrong, but when you find out about the deepest secrets that lurk in the corners of my dark, deranged self, no one would be able to stomach the horrors that live in them.

"I love you." Who knew that those three, simple words would be so difficult portray? Much more even say?

But, alas, I couldn't. I shouldn't. It's suicide.

Depression

From http://drhurd.com

I've been feeling down and about the past few days and I have no idea why.

For most people, there's really not much for me to be sad about. I mean, I'm relatively in a better position than most people my age. I have my own place, I own properties, I owned (for a time) a car, I work out regularly, and I get to travel leisurely in neighboring countries. Even my job isn't as bad as most people would have it.

But still, I get the feeling that I'm depressed. Nothing seems to excite me anymore.

Tonya

New year, new phase, new life! At para simulan ang bagong taon, dapat magpalit din ako ng pangalan.

"Tonya!"

Napatigil ako sa paglalakad nang marinig ko ang pangalan ko. Anak ng butanding. Sino na naman kayang hampaslupa ang tumatawag sakin sa ganung pangalan? Ang aga-aga nambubuwisit. Mukhang sa boses si Tet yun, so malamang anak nga ng butanding. Mabuti pa'y hindi ko na lang papansinin at itutuloy ko na lang ang paglalakad.