To that someone that I used to know

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It has been a few months since we parted. Since I told myself that I deserve better than this. Since I realized that I was still singing the same old songs amidst multiple pleas for something else. Since I decided to call it quits.

You told me time and time again how much feelings you had for me, but for some reason it doesn't connect with what you do. You've told me how important I was, yet I felt I was always being brushed under the rug. You said that I was of value, but you never took the time to know me. It looked like you were just going along with the pretense that we were happy with what we had, never even taking the time to assess if it was indeed the case. At times, I felt like I was the only one in love. And like the song says, I can't make you love me if you don't.

And so I decided to end it. While telling you this, deep down I was hoping that you would say something to make me change my mind. Say something, and tell me that my decision is wrong. Say something, tell me we can work this out. Say something, tell me you love me.

And then I got the biggest surprise. In fairness to you, you did sheepishly try to stop me. But after that, you let me go, telling me that you will no longer hold me back. Wishing me the best and that may I find what I was looking for. That you still love me. I guess I should've seen it coming. Emotions are not something you're very comfortable with. And you were never good with anything you're not comfortable with.

I still see you everyday. You may not know it but I still see you. I check up on you from afar. I ask people how you've been. I look for ways to still reach out to you, using even stupid or simple reasons. But from what I can see, you have already closed me off, erasing me from your place of consciousness. You just respond to stimuli, not feeling the need to reach back out. Now I'm just somebody you used to know.

I shouldn't be bothered, shouldn't be concerned about any of this. But I am. I still am. No matter how I try to coat it, to hide away from it, there's still that unnerving feeling, lurking in the corner, waiting for its time to strike. I guess it's never easy when a heart breaks.

I've already let it go. Or have I? Could it be that I haven't fully let go because of my feelings for you, or is it my pride, my bruised ego that you could just let it go without a bat of an eyelash? Am I stuck in one place, a man who can't be moved, or a man that refused to move?

In any case, the decision has been made, the deal has been done. I'm already at the point of no return. Like I've once told you, it's not that I no longer love you. In fact, I'm still into you. But this may not be what I need right now. It's never easy when you make decisions like this. There are things that will haunt you until the wounds are healed. I cope by sleeping through the pain. I just hope that someone will wake me up when this is all over.

I hope that the time comes that we can both be happy. And that if ever our paths once again cross and we decide to take this road once again, may the odds be ever in our favor.

I love you, goodbye.