Strangers

Image from wikipedia

I first met her in the coffee shop. I wasn't planning on staying long, just enough to finish the cafe latte I ordered while reading a book, and then leave. Then, out of nowhere, I heard a voice. A warm, sweet voice. She asked me if the seat beside me was taken. I said "no", and went back to my book. To be honest I wasn't in a conversation kind of mood, much more with a stranger.

I thought that it would end there. That after that quick, short question I would never be bothered again. But for some reason, I felt like I was being watched. Call me paranoid, but when I glanced up and see if anyone was looking, there she was, intently looking at me.

She must've been surprised by me. I can see the surprised look on her face. However, unlike most people, she started a small conversation. She asked me what the book was all about. I didn't want to be rude, so I replied. It wasn't anything interesting anyway. It was just some fiction story about a post apocalyptic future where humans are trying to survive. Nothing out of the ordinary. However, as I was explaining the plot of the book, I can see how intently she was listening. Maybe that's the reason why I decided to continue the small talk after that.

Tonya

New year, new phase, new life! At para simulan ang bagong taon, dapat magpalit din ako ng pangalan.

"Tonya!"

Napatigil ako sa paglalakad nang marinig ko ang pangalan ko. Anak ng butanding. Sino na naman kayang hampaslupa ang tumatawag sakin sa ganung pangalan? Ang aga-aga nambubuwisit. Mukhang sa boses si Tet yun, so malamang anak nga ng butanding. Mabuti pa'y hindi ko na lang papansinin at itutuloy ko na lang ang paglalakad.

Rejection

From thehappinessparadigm.com

"I no longer wish to speak with you."

It was all that was needed to be said to put me back in my place. I was thinking, hoping actually, that she still wants to be together. That she wants to give us a second chance. That she still longs for me the way I still long for her. I guess I was too far from the truth.

Thinking of being rejected is one thing, being actually rejected is another. It's something that, no matter how long you psych yourself for, will never be prepared. Especially if it's something you really, really want. You think that you've prepared yourself by hoping for the best and expecting the worst, but when you're in that situation, you forget about expecting the worst and just hope for the best.

I guess I had it coming. After all, I was the first one to let go. When I said I want out, I was being impulsive, into that moment. I shouldn't be disappointed that I had been rejected. And yet, it feels like someone just punched a big, gigantic hole in my chest.

Tangent

From http://spacecollective.org/

It pains to live like this - you, hovering like a ghost, like a memory that never goes away. It was easy for you to cut me off, so maybe I should also do the same. We were once together, but now where nothing but complete strangers.

You think I don't notice how cold you've become? How ironic that you say we can stay friends but as usual I'm the only one making any efforts. How do you make it seem that nothing never really happened between us, that for a time, I mattered? Or maybe me being of some importance to you is nothing but a twisted delusion of mine.

Awkward

I was thinking of including this in the "Reunion" story, but when I finished it was too short for a chapter. Also I can't figure out where to put it. So I just put it off as a separate story. Enjoy

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From http://aintnogod.com/

Being in the same room with him felt awkward.

I won't ever get how he can be calm and collected. We didn't particularly part in good terms, so how he can be so casual that I was in the same room as him will be a puzzle to me. It feels like there's a big elephant in the room that he dares not acknowledge - me.

How can I fall under his radar? It's like he cannot see me, until one person points it. And then, I disappear as quickly as he acknowledges my presence. It's like magic. Or selective sight. I dunno.

I tried to stay away from his personal space as much as I can. I'm not as good as him when it comes to compartmentalizing my life. He can fully separate his work life with his personal - and even his romantic life. I never had the capability of doing that. I always felt that one part interacts with the other, and they can never be separated.

To that someone that I used to know

From https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com

It has been a few months since we parted. Since I told myself that I deserve better than this. Since I realized that I was still singing the same old songs amidst multiple pleas for something else. Since I decided to call it quits.

You told me time and time again how much feelings you had for me, but for some reason it doesn't connect with what you do. You've told me how important I was, yet I felt I was always being brushed under the rug. You said that I was of value, but you never took the time to know me. It looked like you were just going along with the pretense that we were happy with what we had, never even taking the time to assess if it was indeed the case. At times, I felt like I was the only one in love. And like the song says, I can't make you love me if you don't.

And so I decided to end it. While telling you this, deep down I was hoping that you would say something to make me change my mind. Say something, and tell me that my decision is wrong. Say something, tell me we can work this out. Say something, tell me you love me.

Short blogs

I've had a couple of short blogs I've written through the years, and instead of having to repost them all I decided to compile them and put them in one blog post.

If ever I get a collection of them again I probably would post another set. But in the meantime, enjoy. :)

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Boredom... it's slowly consuming me. Please help...

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Funny how something that could give you so much pleasure and satisfaction be the same thing that would give you so much pain.

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Funny how life can be the exact opposite of what you want...
Or maybe, funny how we always want the exact opposite of what life gives us...

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Humans are really fascinating people, always wanting things beyond their reach...
But that is the same reason that makes them go forward, go further.

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I heard this line on one series I watched. And maybe, it has some truth to it...
"Just because we've been friends our whole lives doesn't mean it has to stay that way"

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Priority

"Sometimes I feel like, 'Am I nothing but a prize trophy to you?'"

It was all that she needed to say to break down my wall, my defenses. I couldn’t think of anything else to say to counter her argument. No, I don’t think of her that way, but the fact the she feels that way pierces a deep hole in my gut. Thinking of her that way is the last thing I would do, but thinking about it and making her feel about it are two different matters.

I'm stupid, I'm delusional

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I’m stupid.

To think that I would do something like this, something that is beyond my comfort zone. I’ve been so lonely, so unhappy, and when you held me, all my defenses crumbled down.

We were lying on the bed, our arms intertwined with each other. I could think of so many different things that had the same theme – two people that have been bonded into one.

I have dreamt of this a couple of times before – us lying in bed, your head resting on my arm, my hands caressing the contours of your body. It’s nothing sexual, but I could feel the intimacy on a whole new level – the swirl of emotions, the storm of feelings. It’s like having all your senses heightened to a point that a single touch sends jolts of electricity through your body. It’s so exhilarating, so pleasurable – yet at the same time, painful.

Tik tok tik tok

Based on the date below I wrote this two years ago, on new years eve. Posting it now for everyone to read. Enjoy. :)

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2010-12-31....

Ilang minuto na lang at matatapos na ang taon. Iba’t ibang klase ng tunog at ingay na ang maririnig mong nanggagaling sa labas - ang iba’t-ibang ritmo ng mga paputok na parang machine gun, ang mga sintonadong boses ng kapitbahay na halos maputol ang litid maabot lang ang tonong hindi para sa kanya, ang mga kakaibang tunog na ginagawa ng keyboard sa kabilang bahay, ang naka-ritmong tunog ng drums sa kabila pa, at iba pa. Sa sobrang dami, sa sobrang lakas, halos hindi ko na rin marining ang sarili kong nagmumuni-muni. Siguro ay mabuti na rin ito para hindi ko na rin marinig ang patuloy na binubulong ng aking isipan - na pagkatapos ng matagal na panahon, hindi kita kasamang sasalubong sa bagong taon.

Time Loop

Something I wrote yesterday. It's sort of a rough draft. I wrote something similar a couple of years back but it got lost so I decided to write something similar. However while I was writing it the plot changed a bit, and this is the result. The title isn't official, just some random idea I had at the moment. Comments/suggestions are very much appreciated. :)

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Time Loop

Naglalakad si Andoy palayo ng kanilang barung-barong na bahay. Hawak hawak nya ang kanyang pisngi upang itago ang marka ng kamay ng nanay nya. Nagkaroon kase sila ng pagtatalo at nauwi ito sa isang malakas na sampal sa kanyang pisngi.

Kung sya ang tatanungin wala naman talaga syang ginawang masama. Pinagtanggol lang naman nya ang sarili nya mula sa mga taong nangbubully sa kanya sa school. Madalas kase syang pagtripan ng mga kaklase nyang mayayaman, kesyo daw hindi daw sya nababagay sa kanilang eskuwelahan. Siguro nga kung estado ng buhay ang paguusapan, hindi talaga sya nababagay roon. Hindi naman kase sila mayaman, at kaya lang sya nakapasok sa eskuwelahang yon ay dahil isa syang scholar. Kinakailangan pa nyang magtrabaho para lang may pambaon sa araw araw, pero pagkatapos malaman ng boss nya na napaaway sya sa eskwelahan ay sinesante sya nito.

I have found it

I have finally found the person I'll share my life with for the rest of my life. At long last, I've felt content and secure. I was happy.

Night Shift

This was a story I made up when I was still doing nothing at the office. Not the typical kind of story, but hey, that's how my thoughts worked that time.

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Night Shift

Alas-7 ng umaga. Karamihan ng tao, kapag mga ganitong oras, nagsisimula nang kumilos, mag-ayos para pumasok - maging opisina or paaralan. Pero hindi si Randolph. Kapag mga ganitong oras, pauwi pa lang siya galing trabaho. Kung sa karamihan magsisimula pa lang ang araw nila, kay Randolph, patapos pa lang ang nakalipas na araw.

Hindi naman na naging problema ang pagiging night shift. Kahit na ilang linggo pa lang, wala naman siyang nakitang problema. Hindi din kasi maiiwasan sa linya ng trabaho niya. Karamihan kasi ng kliente ng kompanya nila eh nasa kabilang ibayo ng mundo. Kapag gabi sa'tin, umaga sa kanila. At dahil kinakailangang gising din siya ng mga ganung panahon, minabuti na lamang niyang magpa-assign ng night shift.