When your fuel runs out

Sometimes, you try to be strong, not for anyone, but yourself. And when the fuel runs out, it's what's most scary. Because then you realize that there's nothing to be strong about, that there's nothing but false hopes, false pretenses, and you've only been denying to yourself one of the few things that is constant in this life - and that at one point or another, each and every one of us would die.

Shattered, Broken beyond repair

From http://quotlr.com/

Who would want to be with someone like me? Like a discarded piece of trash, like a broken China doll? Sure it may look like I'm all pretty and all made up outside, that when you talk to me there is nothing wrong, but when you find out about the deepest secrets that lurk in the corners of my dark, deranged self, no one would be able to stomach the horrors that live in them.

"I love you." Who knew that those three, simple words would be so difficult portray? Much more even say?

But, alas, I couldn't. I shouldn't. It's suicide.

How numerology describes me

There was a time when I was into knowing who I am or what my personality is like based on certain aspects. I posted something circa 2010 about how numerology describes me based on this site.

Below is the result I got, and for those who know me, you may prove or disprove this.

What my name means

You entered: Ronald Allan Mendoza
There are 18 letters in your name.
Those 18 letters total to 74
There are 7 vowels and 11 consonants in your name.

Love stories

From weheartit.com

I love reading love stories. It's sort of a way for me to "live" life in a way I probably wouldn't. It's a way to dream about things that wouldn't probably happen to me.

I'm a hopeless romantic. In as much as I am a "realistic" person, I often dream of finding that "someone" I would probably spend the rest of my life with. Yeah, dreamy. But up to this day, it still remains as a dream.

My preferences and intelligence

A while back (actually a looong way back) I took a test which shows you what kind of personality you have (based on the Myers-Briggs Personality Test). Aside from the Myers-Briggs, I also took the multiple intelligence test.



Myers-Briggs assessment is an assessment test that measures the preferences of persons and how they perceive the world and make decisions.

According to the test, I am an ISTJ (Introvert, Sensing, Thinking, Judging). What is an ISTJ? This link explains a bit about ISTJ.

I also took another test which shows the Multiple Intelligences I have. According to the test, I am weakest in Interpersonal and Verbal/Linguistic. Interpersonal I can understand, but Linguistic? Maybe I shouldn't be writing blogs. XD

sources:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator
http://www.mypersonality.info/
http://www.personalitypage.com/ISTJ.html

I wanna run to you (when I need something)

From http://www.foximus.com/

I have, somewhat, accepted the fact that my family will, for the most part, only remember me when they need something. Still, it's unnerving at times when this is proven right.

Recently my brother had been messaging me on Facebook. He was asking where I am, how I am doing, and the like. It's very peculiar for my brother to suddenly ask me all these questions, primarily because we're not particularly the best of brothers. I felt that something was up, and it didn't take me a week to find out. After a few days, he messaged me on Facebook, asking if his wife can borrow some money.

Not that I am surprised. Like I said, I've long accepted the fact that family members only remember me when they need something. I did ask what the money was for, and he was more than happy to answer. In the end I agreed to lend them the money with the "assurance" that they'll pay me back eventually. (There were even messages that I received multiple times, i.e. where they can get the money or sheepishly denying why he was suddenly asking how I was, but I'll just think that it's the network provider who sent the messages multiple times).

Truths and Wrongs

Photo from Pinterest

Most of us have beliefs that we consider the truth. Some people, though, tend to be defensive when those "truths" that they hold are contested. They try to rationalize, justify, or sometimes even counter other people's "truths" that do not fit in with the "truths" they believe in. They create double standards just to accommodate their "truths", or worse, just shut off or put in bad light the people who counter them, and no matter how hard you try to explain to them, they wouldn’t listen. They compromise everything else so as not to compromise their own "truths". Because they value these "truths" too much, they tend to close everything else. And that's the hardest part - trying to reason with (or open) someone that has decided to be closed.

Please be careful (with my heart)

The show's title card
(from http://en.wikipedia.org)

For the past year, I've been on night shift, meaning that I'm normally at home (or at the gym) in the morning. While working out in the gym I normally see shows from different channels being shown on the numerous television sets. One of those shows is "Be Careful with My Heart".

"Be Careful With My Heart" is a morning drama show in ABS-CBN. The main cast includes Jodie Sta. Maria, Richard Yap, Jerome Ponce, Janella Salvador, and Mutya Orquia, with a number of supporting cast. The story revolves around Maya Dela Rosa (Sta Maria) who goes to Manila to pursue her dream of becoming a flight attendant to help her family. However, due to unfortunate circumstances her dreams were put on hold - instead she becomes the temporary nanny for Richard Lim's children (Yap), a rich widower who owns an aviation company, with the agreement that he will assist her in pursuing her dreams. Over the course of time, Maya becomes endeared not only to the Lims but to all that she interact with, most especially to Richard (whom maya has dubbed Ser Chief).

What makes the story endearing to a lot of people (making it one of the most watched shows in the morning), is that it steers away from the typical dark and heavy themes of most dramas and soaps that are locally produced. The show follows a light theme - no gun-pointing, kidnapping, and such. Yes it does have fights, but it only shows what is necessary for the story. For example, the most "violent" fight would be the brawl between Luke and Inigo over a girl. For the most part, conversations are light and funny. Even in the serious scenes, someone would still inject a bit of humour.

Another thing that makes it endearing is the chemistry between the characters, not just with Maya and Ser Chief. Although there is the usual "kilig" moments between the two, the show doesn't shy away from other things as well. For example, it follows the lives of Nikki and Luke inside the school campus, along with the typical high school crushes and first love. It also follows Maya's family in Mindoro, as well as the comical banter between the Doris, Sabel, and Joma.

Being a family-oriented show, you could expect that the show likes to inject a couple of values to its readers - most specifically, the importance of family and helping each other. Similar with how Maya introduced "kapit-bisig" (to link arms with each other), the show emphasizes the importance of helping each other out in times of need.

"Be Careful With My Heart" may be extended for another period - it was supposed to end last December but has been extended to February and then extended again until June. Although the story get to be slow at times (probably to extend the story as long as possible), it still makes sure that there is something that happens within every episode. I just hope that they don't stretch it too far that it compromises the quality and the story as a whole.

All in all, "Be Careful..." has a lot of elements which makes it like a breath of fresh air for a lot of people. It shows that we don't need violence to make a show successful, nor does life need to be dark to make it interesting. The show has been able to create a light drama which doesn't look farfetched from reality. Yes, it does look like there are only good people in the show, but then again, maybe that's the show's strong suit - that there are a lot of people that are good, and like the show's characters, we can be more good than bad. :)

Sources:
http://http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Be_Careful_With_My_Heart
http://www.iwantv.com.ph/TV/Video/Be-Careful-with-my-Heart/390

Staying or leaving

So after all that has been said and done, I'm still here.

I haven't done much writing though... wonder if it's my apathy kicking in...

Anyway...

Last week my manager approached me for the result of my annual review. What basically transpired from our discussion was what I was expecting all along. Well, too much of it anyway. He didn't say anything that I didn't already know. It was mostly a confirmation.

Secret and Confidentiality

Do you have secrets?

I believe everyone have secrets of their own. Things that they don't want others to know, or things that they would only let a select few know of. Secrets are common, though for the most part, people don't know because it's a secret.

Secrets, in one aspect, should be treated as a rite of passage to one person. Having one person tell you about their secrets in life means that they trust you enough with those secrets. To some, the secrets that other people hold are trivial - people they like, decisions they're pondering over. There are some secrets though, that are far more serious; in one sense, they can be considered skeletons in the closet.

On failure and success

I've had a bit of reading on failure and success. Being exposed to people with great success has probably made me aware of that fact.

When in transit yesterday I've thought of something that is related to failures and success. I know that this might not be an original. There might have been a quote like it before. But these are my own words.

With success comes the possibility of failure. A person who wants to remove the possibility of failure ultimately removes the possibility of success.  A person who is afraid to fail is afraid to succeed.

A response to a blog

A contact of mine wrote a blog on her "complaints" on the Philippine state after living in Japan for more than a year. I had a reply to her on that blog, but it was long I decided to post the reply as well.

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I guess comparing the lifestyle here and other countries cannot be helped. Even after three years, I still make comparisons - from the simple "escalator etiquette" to the "on-time trains" to the "defined bus stops". When I start to remember those seemingly insignificant differences (which ultimately add up to something big), I get somewhat disappointed and frustrated when I feel like I can't do anything about it.

How to improve team spirit

I've been having discussions with a new group these past few days, and I must say what I've been learning a lot from them. What makes what I learn believable is the fact that they actually do what they preach.

This is one of the lessons that have struck me the most. You might think it's simple, but it's a lot harder to practice. And the lesson is: "When you're up, go down. When you're down, go up."

Contradicting? Not really. If put in the right context, it'll make sense. What it basically means is that when you're happy (or up), tell the people below you (meaning you're subordinates and/or team members) about it. If you're sad, depressed (or down, you get the picture), tell your manager/lead about it, and they can help you.

Malamig daw ang Pasko....

Disyembre. Panahon ng Kapaskuhan. Ito ang panahon na maririnig mo ang iba't-ibang tugtugin na parang hindi pinapakupas ng panahon. Ito rin ang panahon ng mga kainan, bigayan ng regalo, at higit sa lahat, pagsasama-sama.

Maraming mga kanta ang mga sawi kapag pasko. Isa na siguro sa pinakasikat ang "Pasko na sinta ko". Bata pa lang ako eh buhay na ang kantang to, at hanggang ngayon ay maririnig mo pa rin siya. Habang nagdadaan ang panahon ay nadadagdagan pa ang bilang ng mga kanta ng mga single kapag Pasko.

Ethics, Values, Respect

Sometimes, you need to be in a bigger place to fully realize how twisted the world is.

I thought that my life before was toxic. Now, without Ethics, Values,or Respect in the environment, everything is much more difficult. Without ethics, values, or respect for others, innocent lambs can turn into vicious wolves. Or something more menacing.

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They view truth as ruthless. That may be the case, but you can be truthful without being ruthless. Ruthless as the truth may be, it doesn't give anyone rights not to respect others. It was never proper to talk about someone behind their back.

Musings of a weary heart...

Funny that when you want to say something, no one seems to bother listening.

And what makes it funnier is that it actually happens to me, most of the time.

I could actually say that I am an official wallflower. Not really because I'm the type of person not worth talking to, but because when there are already three people (including me) talking, it would seem that there are only two persons talking, and I am just listening to the conversation. Like I said, most of the time, when I talk to somebody, it would seem that I'm talking to nobody.

I love listening to other people talk. That is one skill that I have developed through the years. And that is the skill I have used most often. If I start to talk, my words would only pass unnoticed.