Kaeritai...

I've been here in Japan for more than two months now (two months and 3 days to be exact.) It's not what I would actually call a dream come true, but I always wanted to go to the land of the rising sun, the place where a lot of anime, manga, and weird but delicious food come from. Sadly, my first stay here is not what would typically call a good one. I've have had a lot of trials and tribulations in the past two months, not that it's that serious (actually, it IS really serious)...

What can I say? The first month was a hell of a month. We were assigned to a project that was due only in a month, and we were to work for more than 13 hours a day, 6 days a week so that we could finish the project on time. Not only that, my productivity was not actually what you would call great, since most of the tasks that was assigned to me were nothing short of "strange". Yup. You heard it right. Strange. I really find it funny that most of the tasks given to me always had issues; even the 2 steps that I need to finish sometimes takes up a whole day because it had some problems or something of that sort. The only thing that kept me going is the company of my colleagues, and the few moments that we can spare to chat and laugh about the perilous predicament we were in.

After the near-to-inhumane working conditions we experienced, finally the project has ended. We were about to go home when suddenly I got an unexpected call from one of my bosses, saying if I want to extend and do another project. I said, "Sure, why not? I don't think I have anything to return to anyway." At that time, I really didn't mind, since it would be another opportunity for me. Not only that, it would be a great opportunity for me to explore Japan more, do some sightseeing, take pictures of things, what a typical foreigner would do on a foreign land. We didn't have that much experience during the first week because like I said, the work schedule was impossible.

My second work here in Japan is completely different from the first. Here, I can actually do what I learned in college: Code. It's a good experience since I haven't actually done any real coding since I graduated. And it would somehow be a new field to me since it is some aspect of C programming that I never did in college: coding with semaphores, multitasking, RTOS, etc.

But sometimes, it all gets too lonely. I am somewhat alone in the project, and all the other persons around me in the office are Japanese (except for my boss, who would be leaving me anytime soon). Sure some of them can actually talk English, but it is still different being with other Filipinos. Culture-wise, it's very different, so it's a bit difficult to interact with them, given the fact that I am still at the process of learning their native language.

Aside from that, I stay quite far from other Filipinos from our company also working here in Japan. Sure, I have some friends living two blocks away, but when you get home late would you expect that they would still accommodate you in the middle of the night? You would (as in my case) a bit hesitant to crash to their place so that you can have a friendly chat. Besides, I live quite far from the office, so I try to take every time I can to get some decent sleep. I even sleep in the train.

What I really miss right now is someone to be with. Not because I can "bully" (playfully, I mean) someone around or I can order them to do errands (with sweet words after). The mere fact that there is someone with you is important to me. I may be a loner, but it still gets to me sometimes. And I up to now, I still miss the days when someone takes care of me when I get home, someone comforts me when I'm tired, someone makes me feel important when I feel otherwise. I felt neglected most of my life, and it felt good when someone made me feel I am someone...

Work can take me off that thought, but when I get home, I return to the feeling of emptiness and indifference...

I want to go home...